Apparently it looks that we need a certain object or experience to feel good,accepted,that we belong,that we are worthy.That's fine,but what if the result of what I want is ultimately not in my hands? What if I will not always get what I want? Shall I try harder and be subjected to torture?
My experience is that what works for me ( in terms of being happy and peaceful) is when my mind is silent. That always happens when I am present and focused in what I do.I might walk outside and just breath.Or I might focus on some golf swing detail and be completely focused on that.Then it may appear that sunny weather or a special swing technique is making me happy but that's not the case.See it for yourself; our mind will hypnotize us by looking for the reason outside of us.For instance today is a beautiful day and I stayed inside to write.It feels good and I don't feel the urge to go outside.I am very present and I feel a flow of words coming through.I don't try to write something special and don't use much effort. From somebody else's point of view it could look like writing is the happy pill and that everybody should start writing to be in tune with their own life.But what really works is me- being and the absence of want. Our mind develops two main strategies from past experiences: either a craving for something pleasant to repeat or aversion towards that which was unpleasant in the past. A voice in our head starts advertising:»Aha,this makes me feel good and I want more of that!« or: »Aha,I don't want this, because it is unpleasant…..«
There was a time I believed joy is outside of me and that I just need to stretch out my hands or to live more actively in order not to miss anything.All that effort actually helped me to miss life completely. I could spend time in regret for not being where other folks were or feeling sorry for not doing what I was suppose to do,etc….Then I realized that instead of hurting I could do some small and less important tasks like:placing cd's in one line,sorting books in order or simply change my clothes and click!-here we go... Some shift occurred in the brain and I was feeling at least useful and ready for the next step.
»It's not what we do,it's how we do it« is a famous phrase we all know.But please,don't try to be conscious or aware while doing something.You already are and whatever happens inside of that –This is it.
Vedanta (non-duality) teacher James Swartz (www.shiningworld.com)explains so beautifully in one of his teachings:«You think that a certain object is responsible for your good mood,but isn't it so that a specific desire or want was temporary removed from your mind and that's what makes you joyful and at rest again?« We all have some experiences of empty mind and how it feels-like coming home again.
Now,some naive folks my think: »Ok,if this is a case, lets remove all the desires from our mind!« This is certainly not the case,because the root problem is not in the nature of desires but in our misperception of happiness.That kind of happiness which always needs a reason to burst.
Our desires are just fine,they have their own place in the Universe and make the game of life available.It's our call how to resonate with them and participate in that game.