Strong effort and strict discipline seemed appropriate to start with and it worked well for some time. Inner peace came but didn't last for long.I was obviously not there yet.So the best solution my mind recommended was to try harder and never to give up! Interestingly,the process was very similar to the one I knew from dealing with the material things in every day life.If I wanted to achieve or become something I needed to put a lot of effort and struggle was therefore unavoidable.And with such an act,the masks to cover the true face are necessary .
O.G. Krishnamurti ( www.ugkrishnamurti.org )was for me the first one to cause the questioning of the spiritual search. Reading his interviews completely mixed my beliefs and in very short time turned everything about spirituality upside down.The next man was Ramesh Balsekar (www.rameshbalsekar.com )who also pointed out clearly that enlightenment is not a certified event.He suggested to ask myself what will enlightenment give me after I finally get it.Then came a guy called Tony Parsons from England (www.theopensecret.com) who completely destroyed the idea that any individual could become enlightened. For him the concept of becoming something holier is just an illusion, because what we are searching for is already always present.
For a seeker the idea of »effortless« approach is also dangerous, because he constantly tries to use various teachings or methods to find what he is looking for. Such message can be very tricky, because seeker likes to interprets such ideas into his own style of thinking and soon the new recipe for enlightenment could be: »Doing nothing and the grass grows by itself!« Now, if we don't have the right understanding of that sentence (which originates from Zen tradition),we will surely invite even more confusion in our lives.
I think it is very important to make it clear why we use some techniques and why we need certain teachers. For instance-it is quite useful to know how to breath properly and how to be in contact with our bodies more often.There is nothing mysterious about it.But to expect something spectacular in future to happen in order to escape from ordinary everyday life;this is immature thinking.
If you read through Buddha's life story you will find very similar process of the inner transformation.He was also very tired and exhausted from the effort to get enlightenment.After his struggle of many years and being totally helpless at the end - surrender happened. He was no more.Prince Siddhartha (the person, individual) suddenly disappeared and the Buddha (presence,awareness) remained.
A good question arises: Does the individual needs any effort on his part to realize that the presence and peace he is searching for is already available? My answer to that is: Whatever happens-seeking or resting,loosing or finding,clarity or frustration-all is the working of one consciousness that we are,so there can be no mistake or wrong moves.
The famous quote from Buddha says:»Events happen,deeds are done, but there is no individual doer thereof.«
Now, leaving you empty- handed,who knows;we might as well realize what enlightenment is for us- ordinary mortals.